I can’t sleep. Tomorrow I am scheduled for my first post-treatment mammogram and ultra sound. It wasn’t supposed to happen until July but my radiation oncologist wanted to image an area of thickened tissue, and the clinic opted to combine her request with my full post-treatment imaging follow-up. It didn’t occur to me until earlier this afternoon that I am a little worried about this appointment. We all know how the last one ended…
Dr. Google suggests that it would be very, very, very rare for there to be anything wrong this soon after the aggressive treatment I had, so of course everything is going to be ok.
But what if it’s not?
What I do know for sure is that it is going to hurt like hell. After all, they did burn me every day for 6 weeks, and my skin and internal tissue remain quite pissed off. The booking agent told me that I can always refuse the mammogram if it hurts too much. I wanted to tell her that when you have had breast cancer at my age, no, you actually don’t have the luxury of refusing a mammogram because it hurts too much.
I think I might have a little morphine left over from my surgery for the occasion – That ought to do the trick.
Please think of me tomorrow morning.